Family/Food/Love

I am at home alone, very unusual lol and i am sitting here thinking about family, My ex husband Kevin's twin brother ( i hate that title....... ex ..... I wish there was a different way of saying it, as he deserves better then that) Kieth is in town the boys are going bow hunting, now these boys love hunting together and have come and gone to each others houses for years to hunt as a team. Which brings me to this week,  the boys are getting together for the big hunt and its time to make the family special diner's (aka)  Gramie's meatballs and Lavon's treats,  so the call comes (text) first for the Norwegian meatballs and gravy............. yes......  yes it will be my pleasure to make Gramies special dish for you boys,  so off to the store my husband and I go to get the supplies (yes I have an amazing husband who shops with me) we gather all the supplies lean burger, my favorite sausage, cream, real butter and so on, the best ingredients ( yes it makes a difference) then I remember a special cookie recipe that Lavon used to make for Kieth at Christmas time and I gather the ingredients for that also to surprise my brother in law, okay... okay.... technically he is my ex brother in law according to the world, but to me he and his children will always be my family as will Kevin and the extended family.
Anyways back to cooking for the boys, I have to say it is such a joy cooking old family recipes,  I started with the Norwegian Meat balls and gravy and the special cookie recipe, you know there is something about cooking old family recipes that connect you with the past and the ones you love especially those whom have passed on, they live on with the traditions and memories of the food your cooking.
Grammies Norwegian meat balls bring back so many memories of that wonderful woman, I think about her every time I make them, her laughter, her smiling eyes, her sense of humor, oh how I loved that woman. I so loved sitting and talking to her listening to her stories as we drank coffee and ate cookies together ( she always had homemade cookies ready for guest that she served with her strong dark coffee ) she was a striking woman pure white hair & sky blue eyes, i would sit listen her tell stories of her family growing up in North Dakota often while I was going through her homemade cook book searching for the family treasured recipes, I would watch as her sky blue eyes would twinkle as she laughed and talk of the farm life, her siblings.
The boys loved the family treat of meatballs and it wasn't long that i received a thank you text from them, having enjoyed cooking for the boys so much i asked if there was anything else the would like to have, and i started listing recipe after recipe of their mama's and Gramie's special dishes............ so now My daughter and I will be shopping tomorrow for ingredients to make a couple more special dishes for the boys before their hunting season is done and Kieth head Home.
I feel so blessed to be part of this wonderful family and it just filled my heart with such joy to be the gate keeper of these loved family recipes, passed down from generation to generation, Grandmother, Mother in Law to me. Now it is my job to pass it on to the next generation................... what an honor.

The little plaid bag

                        

When I was a young newly married woman my husband and I would split our Christmas day between his dad & moms and my dad & moms, we always went to his mamas first thing in the morning for gifts and then an early diner then on to my dad’s for a late diner, My Daddy was always so wonderful about doing the dinner later so that we could be there. I think he knew it would have broken my heart if I couldn't have been there with my siblings for Christmas.

First thing on Christmas morning we would get up and open our gifts to each other then head to Kevin’s moms to hang out with the family, later on when we had our babies we would open gifts together and then have a little breakfast………………which later on morphed into breakfast sausage casserole, cinnamon[Jc1]  rolls, orange juice, milk and coco before heading to Lavon’s to open gifts and have diner.

As time went by we had three beautiful Children, sold the little house in town and moved into the big house up on the hill and so the change began……… the in-laws aged and my daddy who had done so much to help us get our house set up on the hill had died, so many Christmases had come and gone so very quickly and then the Christmas celebration came to rest in our hands ……….. Well kind of.

Kevin’s mama Lavon was the matriarch of the family, she was a very intelligent & strong woman and to be honest a little intimidating at first (I am not easily intimidated) and she ruled over the holidays (with love) ever since I had come to know the family.  Lavon had a gift for entertaining, her home was always beautifully decorated, I absolutely loved her Christmas tree with white lights and white decorations and glass it was just beautiful, she was also an amazing cook there would be all kinds of homemade cookies, fudge, pies and then there was the Norwegian yummy's fattigmann, krumkake, lefse  She also  had certain dishes that she made for each holiday that the family had come to love and expect.

  I remember the first year that Christmas was to be at our house, I was very nervous we were responsible for the family diner talk about pressure …….. Well that’s what I thought anyways till mama Kellogg showed up that morning with her magic Mary Poppins plaid picnic bag, I have never seen so much amazing food come out of a picnic bag, we had the turkey in the oven and potatoes prepared for boiling, she comes in and starts pulling out an endless parade of goodies out of the amazing picnic bag seriously the most glorious bounty of food, green bean casserole, stuffing, pies, cookies, lefsa, fudge,  potato rolls, pistachio salad, veggies for a veggie tray and later as Johnnie got older she included homemade baked mac and cheese and her favorite napkins,  it was like the bag had no bottom and she would just reach down and pull out more and more goodies from a bottomless well of goodness. This went on until her last Christmas with us, she was really struggling with her health that year, I could tell it had really taken a toll on her as she had to sit a lot and take breaks, as we were sitting taking a little break and having coffee she shared that it bothered her that she couldn't do the things she so loved to do, I could see the sadness in her face and I came to realize that for her cooking and all the hoopla wasn't just for the holiday  it was an expression of love for her children. That last year she still had made so many of her dishes in her little apartment and filled that magic bag with so many delightful treats, I know it had to of taken her hours if not days to prepare everything as she couldn't stand for long periods of time without becoming exhausted, it is amazing what the power of love can help you accomplish.   That was our last Christmas with her, her legacy lives on in our memories and traditions we are passing on to her grandchildren.

She is so very much missed and I will always remember her magic red plaid picnic bag.

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A Christmas Carol

                                                        

One of the great things about Christmas is................................. Christmas Movies !!!!!!! My all time favorite Christmas Movie is the Christmas Carol which i several versions, I actually collect the movies and books, Now i love a lot of different Christmas movies and have several different types, Elf, White Christmas, its a wonderful life, a Muppet Christmas Carol, A Christmas story, Miracle on 34th street 1947 & 1994,  Santa clause, the nightmare before Christmas, National Lampoon Christmas vacation, how the Grinch stole Christmas, Jingle all the way, The polar express, etc.

Back to the Christmas carol it is hands down my one of my favorite's,  Jim Carey The Grinch close second, I love how someone who is so lost so low that you doubt his his very humanity can be brought back from the edge of destruction, redeemed if you will. ( the Alistair Sims version actually talks of redemption and the son of God) There is just something about people getting second chances, rising from the ashes  like a phoenix becoming whole again.
I have watched the George C Scott Christmas Carol so much that I now look at the back ground while it is playing looking at the books on the shelves and various other props, even people walking around in the back ground, how the rooms are decorated and so on to.get a better feel for the era in which the movie is set in.
At one point in my life my children and Kevin had banned me from watching Christmas shows until the day after thanksgiving ( I may or my not have watched them a lot lol) now i watch them all year long especially if it has been a bad week or a particularly difficult time as the always lift my spirits.

I now have a Grinch partner which is really nice as I haven't had Christmas movie partners since Sarah & Wendy grew up had children and got married, I used to love it when my Girls would snuggle up on the couches with hot coffee and start our Christmas Movie marathon.
My Grand Baby Tink is a huge fan of everything Grinchy and we watch it several times a month often with a stuffed Grinch in the bed with us as we snuggle together to watch our green friend.
This year I find my self in a quandary all my movies accept the Grinch are packed away in preparing to sell our house so i am with out all my Christmas shows. Hummmmmmm Might have to order a few in DVD since all my original are in VHS. Seem's reasonable to me.
         
                                           

Christmas Shopping AKA waking on hot coals.

Well it is that time of the year again and as much as i love Christmas and giving of gifts, stuffing stockings and so on........... I HATE GOING SHOPPING UUUGGGG.  I know ,I know  kind of an oxymoron type of thing lol.    As far back as I can remember I haven't enjoyed shopping I find it stressful to go to town and be set on shopping for pretty much any thing,  whether it be grocery shopping, clothes shopping, or house shopping it stresses me out, but the bane of my existence is shopping for the holidays with masses of people uugg,

First and foremost I absolutely hate crowds this runs in my family as several of my siblings are the same way about crowds,  I like my space and do not enjoy people brushing up against me or bumping into me,more then once Ive been standing in front of a shelf looking at a product only to have some woman come up and stand so close to me i can hear her breathing, then there is the fact people smell! Seriously I am not sure what is worse the person who's hygiene schedule is lets just say non existent or the man/woman whom seem to tripled dipped them selves in cologne/perfume that morning you can smell them five minutes before they show up, both are an assault the human kind

 I usually pick up things through out the year when I am out and about doing other errands or work on making something so that by the time things start to swing into holiday mode i am pretty close to being done. But there is inevitability a few gifts i need to pick up.  This is where my husbands love for shopping comes in handy lol,  it is so funny He loves being around people and crowds well the more the merrier for this man , he is literally the ying to my shopping yang.  The man walks into the store focused on his mission list in hand while scanning over the isles (it helps being 6'6 ) for any great deals, up and down the isles we go picking up this and that all along my Love is chatting with different whom ever he encounters often complete strangers............ or I should say strangers to me, for my love everyone is a potential friend they just haven't been introduced yet lol

So it was no surprise  that my Love and I  ended up this Saturday in Portland to pick up a gift for one of our Children at a very busy box store and then we went on to target for some stocking stuffer's (two stores is usually my limit unless there is a shot of whiskey involved then i might make a third )  so star bucks in hand big girl panties on and holding tightly to my husbands hand lol  in we go to compare prices and see if they will honor an ad via my phone (that my friend and Co Mama Dana gave me) to the tune of 70.00 dollar savings,  My husband reads all the spect's on the said item (something I wouldn't thought to do) while chatting with sales person AKA new friend lol making sure that it has all the same qualities of the product we had spent the day looking for, after a time of chatting with various people and research we did make the purchase.

I find it funny with my disdain for shopping that i have a daughter that lives for it, i mean this child would love to shop everyday. She at least has gotten one shopping trait from her mama she doesn't pay full price  Hummm .....................maybe i can bribe her with star bucks to go stocking stuffer shopping for me for her brothers...................................LOL

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW

We got our first snow today woo hoo,  Why yes I am one of those people I LOVE SNOW !  I actually look forward to that beautiful white cotton candy that covers every thing in a thick white carpet, it makes even the bleakest most barren landscapes look amazing, there is just something magical about snow and how it changes every thing from the way it dresses up the trees, the Douglas Firs look so elegant in their thick white coats and the Vine Maples and Alders with their delicate branches coated with a fine layer of snow like fine jewelry kind of look ladies getting ready for a fancy ball, mix this with icicles hanging off branches and the eaves of your house and it is winter perfection.
I can remember as a child the excitement when Cis would wake us kids up and take us outside in the middle of the night to make snow angels , we would lay on our backs moving our arms and legs frantically to make the wings with our skinny lil arms... lol.   If  I close my eyes I can still feel the crisp air on my skin and see my breath as i looked up into the heavens watching as the snow was coming down on us.  My own children have been waken more then once to their mama coming into their rooms at night to excitedly whisper look out your window its snowing and yes they have been taken out to play in the snow at night.
 One of our favorite things as kids growing up on the little farm in Castle Rock was a treat my Dad & Mom would make for us when we got a good snow, it was snow ice cream, they took some of our fresh jersey cream, vanilla, snow  and sugar all together (sometimes adding food coloring ) we would get big heaping bowls, now you have to remember this was back when you didn't have junk food in our homes like we do now so for a family of nine this was quite an event.

When our children were growing up we always tried to make snow days special, we built igloos, snowmen, and one time we built a very large dragon and took spray bottles with food coloring  spraying it green with red eyes, the children loved when they were sitting in the living room snuggled up in their blankets on the couch later that evening when everyone was getting off work and they would watch as traffic would slow to see their works of art.  On snow days I would bake cookies or Kevin would make cinnamon roles which we served up with hot chocolate, more then once i cooked off a turkey when we had big snow so that when the kids and their friends came in to get their clothes dried and to get warm we would feed them, then they would watch a movie kick back then out they would go again sometimes with socks on their little hands when we didn't have enough gloves to go around.

Last year was a brand new time of snow memories for me, it was my first year playing in the snow with our Grand baby Tink  and it was wonderful! I think she actually may just love snow as much as her Nina, she sledded for hours and tried so hard to keep up with the big kids, her wonderful cousins Nicholas and Antonio were there to take her up and down the hills on their sled, afterwards Tink her mama and I made a snow turtle which we sprayed green with food coloring.

So today was our first day of snow for 2014 , i an full grown adult started the day before two AM doing snow checks, finally around nine AM Tink, Sissy and I were standing out in the yard Tink in her Jammies rubber boots, Sissy sweats and slip on shoes and I in my big ole robe and husbands shoes trying to catch snow flakes on our tongues, yes God is good and this life He so graciously has given me is wonderful.

Christmas

How do i even start a page on Christmas, how do i convey the sheer joy wonderment and excitement i feel of the up coming season.  I love the music playing in the house as we bake, my favorite CD being Bing Crosby & David Bowie, i just love the rich tones of their voices blending together bringing the ageless Christmas songs to life,
Then there is the decorating.............. at no other time of year do i get to splash my favorite color red around the house, we have red and white plaid pillows with a matching red and white plaid blanket combined with various other Christmas themed pillows, several varieties of wall hangings with red incorporated in them and of course our  giant wreath that hangs on the dining room wall that i each year usually with candy canes and various other charming trinkets.
 Then there is the snowman collection that i haven't even counted for years, but there are dozens dressed in reds greens golds, lady snowmen, gentlemen snowmen, baby snowmen, families. some are even dressed in fir, they are made from every thing ....cotton, wood, resin, glass. felt and wool most are gifts that i received for my birthdays or Christmas from loved ones so each year, when i gently unwrap them i tend remember the loved one whom gave it to me .
Christmas cookie baking oh my, we start baking right after thanksgiving making dozens of cookies Santa's whiskers, Russian tea cakes, chocolate crinkles, peanut butter, sugar cookies, thumb prints with Hershey kisses, date pinwheels, shortbread, choc,late covered pretzels, chocolate dipped pretzel sticks,  chocolate dipped peanut butter cookies, peanut clusters and so on , i think you have the idea lol.  this is a tradition that was started shortly after I was married for the first time, as it wasn't something i grew up doing,  it was Kevin's grandma " Gramie" who got me started with the Christmas cookies.
Some of my best memories of Christmas baking, is of time i spent with Gramie at her kitchen table with coffee and her home made cookies.  I think the only thing that my dad made was popcorn balls with nuts (which to this day is one of my favorite things in the world) and fudge and my mom made the pies my favorite being mincemeat pie (YUM).
Then there is the Christmas tree, there is nothing like going out and cutting your own tree down bringing it home and setting it up........ Christmas music playing  a plate of cookies to snack on with hot buttered rum coffee , the smell of a fresh cut fir tree is amazing and i am always sad to see it go on January 1st.
Decorating the tree is such a joy, I loved it as a child just as I do now. I still remember when we had real lead tinsel which hung down perfectly straight and glistened with the reflections of the Christmas lights the new tinsel is awful and i don't use it, Now I am not one of those perfectionist decorators i really like more of a Victorian vibe,  the more the better all types of decorations and stuffed creatures and lights oh how i love tons of lights half white and half colored mixed together.................. the reflection on the ornaments is amazing.
One of my favorite things is stuffing stockings for my children and love ones, I find Little treasures all year long and put them aside to wrap and stuff in the stocking on Christmas eve. The first time i can remember getting a stocking I was around 7 years old it had a little red elf peeking out of the top of the stocking looking down at me when i awoke in the morning, down below the elf were all kinds of little treasures a cupie doll, chocolates and various little trinkets.
 I love giving gifts homemade or bought never been comfortable receiving gifts find it very stressful to unwrap gifts in front of people. I am so looking forward to watching Tink unwrap gifts this year the joy on her face the excitement that we will hear in her voice as she gets her stocking, that will be my favorite thing.



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voting

well today is the day our local elections are being held, we also have mail in which i love as i didn't have to take time off to vote, I would if needed but thank goodness i don't have to as our state doesn't seem  to be as corrupt as some of these red states trying to curtail people voting.   ( yes every dollar counts when your paying for collage for your kids)

It is funny the older i get the more important it seems to me to vote,  not for me or what i deem right or wrong but for a time when i will be gone for my children and grand children, for our natural resources so we will have a healthy environment for the next generations, and for our rights especially my female children and grand children.

I have to say that i wish we had more of a selection to vote from, not a fan of the republican party (was a republican for 25 years or so) not a fan of the democratic  party, hence the reason i went independent about 6 or 7 years ago. It just doesn't seem like anyone is for the people anymore................but i refuse to give up i will continue to vote !

Morning Coffee

Every since i can remember i have loved coffee, the first real memory i have of drinking that beautiful amber liquid was when i was around eight years old, we lived in the tiny white house next to my Auntie Willy's,  there was a large silver coffee pot with a spigot that i would go up to and fill what ever cup i had. I seriously doubt that was the first time that I had coffee as my daddy was giving my babies sips from his coffee cup as soon as they were able to toddle up to him on their own two feet (he had more cream and sugar then coffee lol )

I have found that there is nothing more relaxing then sitting wrapped up in a warm blanket with my long hair tied up in a knot to keep it out of my face as the wind blows up the valley and across our deck.   I love watching the mist and fog rise off the river as the sky brightens and starts to glisten off the water,  listening to the sound of the birds as the world starts to wake up usually with a magazine sitting in my lap and a warm cup in hand,  sipping my coffee with that creamy vanilla creamer swirling around in my cup.   In the winter I love to bring my steaming hot cup of coffee back to our big soft warm bed while i have old movies playing in the back ground with garden or Christmas magazines scattered around me planning the holidays to come and our summer garden and flowers until i hear the tiny feet of My grand daughter scampering across the wood floors heading to our bedroom, I know in moments her tiny chilly body will be snuggled up against me and we will snuggle and talk and i just might give her a sip of my coffee.  :-)

A piece of my heart

I can remember the first time we went to see dad and my new mom for our summer time visit at the new house in Castle Rock,  First thing you notice was the crushed red rock driveway that meandered up beside the house and curved behind the house where the cars were parked facing the small white pump shed that matched the white two story house, next to the pump shed was a grey brick foundation with a wood plank top that covered our hand dug well. So funny when you are a small child everything looked so big, i can still remember stepping into the back porch for the first time it seemed big even with a washer and dryer large chest freezer and double sinks.  Our porch had wood floors and a wainscoting type of ceiling, down at the end of the porch was a small window with a white frame around it which let in plenty of light and another larger one over the sink that looked into the kitchen. the window was next to a small door that led into a small country kitchen with the typical 1960's linoleum & turquoise cabinets, Our kitchen had a small arched door that led into what seemed a large living room with an old oil stove to keep us warm on cold winter nights and two large picture windows and a big front door. Behind the front door was this little built in counter top , a phone table that our old ivory rotary dial phone sat on. This big old house had 4 bedrooms (with no closets in bedrooms) one bathroom with a big ole tub and no shower for 7 people,  one big closet in the hall up stairs and one down stairs in the hall by the bath room , our parents did have a tiny one under the stairwell in their room........ well really more of a cubby hole. We had a very large front yard with a large Honey locus tree which stood close to the house and a set of three small Honey locus trees planted in a triangle just a further out. Between the driveway and the house we had a holly tree , lilac and three rhododendrons  on the opposite side of the house was a crab apple with the tastiest little red apples and a green Gage plumb tree.  When we first moved into the house the property was only partially fenced and that was just the field behind the house,  we didn't have a fence around the yard, our only fence was a hedge of giant wild yellow iris that us kids loved to play in.
The big field behind the house was filled with amazing,old growth timber, hazel nut trees, vine maples, dog woods, big leaf maples , native wild Salal plants in abundance with their white flowers
and edible blue berries.As we explored the land we discovered so many treasures, there were two station wagons that the wheels had been taken off of that we played in, we spent hours pretending to drive on great adventures (my sister pattie always insisting on driving ) lol ,  there was Pattie land a huge root wad from a tree that had fallen over years before its giant root snaking up into the sky perfect for making forts out of. Then there was the horse tree, this tree grew straight up for about four feet then went vertical for about three feet and then straight back up,  on the opposite side of the field was the polly wog pond and the orchard, oh how we loved our own personal play land. The memory of the scorched grass under my feet while running across the field, the beautiful white flowers of the dog woods, the giant maple leaves that fell to the ground in the fall along with all the hazelnuts that ripened that we would gather. Yes this place will always have a piece of my heart.

Tinkerbell

As long as i can remember i wanted to be a grandma, kind of funny as i had no plans to have children lol. Thankfully i changed my mind and had three children and two of the heart. My ex husband and i were kind of late starting a family for our generation we were 24 years old when our first child a beautiful boy arrived then 4 years later our princess followed by our golden baby boy.   As the years went by I watched as many of my siblings (all younger then me) became grandparents as did many of my friends. Then right before my 50th birthday i found out that i was going to be a grandma seriously talk about the most amazing gift in the world ! When Tink finally arrived the world became a more beautiful place a magical place, it is amazing how much joy one tiny human being can bring into a world.
 I watch as she runs through the house on her tippy toes her blonde hair bouncing, her bright beautiful eyes shining as she sings chase me chase me kissy monster to my love, their laughter is like music to my soul i cant help but smile as i watch that giant man of mine chase her always letting her escape so she can dash away to sing out to him again to chase her.
Each day when i come home from work i here NINA! and the fun begans, there is an unspoken ritual i get my work boots off and head for the shower, as i start to shower i will hear the shower door being quietly slid open as i turn  there she is a small nude tink slipping into the shower with me (dont know what its like to shower alone anymore lol) so now there are two heads to shampoo two wash rags with body soap and so on, with the arrival of tink even our bath room has changed there are toys in the tub, toys in the shower & the bath towels they have changed they now come with bunny ears & kitty cat ears. Then it is on to wrestling on our big bed while i attempt to catch glimpses of my TV shows all the while shrieks of laughter drown out the sound. Yes im in love with Tinkerbell she has changed our world for the better and has brought so much magic to our lives and i wouldnt change a thing.  

Music in me.

I love music, I have loved music every since i can remember. When i was young my mom would always have music on in the house and in the car when we went anywhere, i can remember just like it was yesterday dancing with her in the yard the record player in the house with speakers on the front porch all 7 of us kids dancing to the song dragging the line or mellow yellow around her. I can still feel the warmth of the dappled sun that burst through the leaves and the beautiful white flower's that smelled of pepper, oh the sun falling on us through the leaves of the locus trees felt amazing , I can see my mom as she tosses her head back laughing she was so beautiful with her shoulder length chestnut hair dancing off her shoulders as her long tan legs bouncing along as she showed us how to dance the pony, It is amazing the feeling of your bare feet dancing, bouncing on the grass the sun on your shoulders the laughter of your brother's and sisters echoing through the yard. 

Music was such a big part of our lives growing up  I can remember weekends with my dad and his group practicing in our living room, there was Daryle who played guitar and Cheryl who was beautiful inside and out she had such an amazing voice ................. music everywhere in our home. Then there was weekends where dad would get everything set up and we would all sing together, little church in the dale, d.i.v.o.r.c.e , bony maroni, song after song we would sing out of Dads big brown song book with our child voices,  except Becky oh my her voice was beautiful. 
It is funny how life brings things to come around in a full circle, many years have gone by and  my Daddy is gone and my mama is close to 70  and i am a bit older.................... 54 to be exact lol and i still do not have an ounce of musical talent in me, but here i am on my way to Portland with my daughter and grand daughter to pick up my sweet husband from the airport, we have Taylor Swift blasting from the radio all three of us singing together and it is magical. I am blessed. 

Cooking for one

I have wanted to try this for a long time so here we go, no one but me at this time lol.

I am sitting in the house alone as i haven't been well :-( so needless to say im not out on this beautiful day. It is time for diner and i was pondering what to have ( not big on cooking) usually if its just me its a hot dog or a sandwich as it seems weird to cook for 1,  you see  I grew up on a small family farm in Castle rock Washington with 6 of my 9 siblings both parents working to keep us clothed and fed so cooking often fell on  my younger sister Pattie and I.  Not like the cooking most people do now days but everything from scratch and most often raised or grown on the farm, everything from farm fresh eggs to wonderful jersey cow milk (yes there is a difference lol)   so you could say i have been cooking a while. When i was 19  i married and went on to have 3 birth children and two children of my heart, my husband at the time was lets just say a slightly picky eater so i was still cooking large portions but with less variety. Later on I was very involved in cooking at our church often for large crowed's and really just got burned out.  Now i find myself older children grown husband away at work and there is just me so often................ which brought me to this point and Epiphany as some would say........... I used to love to cook and i love amazing food, i am sick of fast food & packaged food and it has dawned on me one person is no less important then 100 to cook for so with that i think at the ripe middle age of 54 I am going to start cooking again.