Sunday, January 22, 2017

 I Last Night as I was on facebook there was a new Meme hitting the pages as I read it
 thought how sad. while i do not agree with everything said or done during the march I completely support what it was for and about. 
Then I considered well maybe these people have lived a more insulated life than I.  I knew I would respond but I wanted to wait overnight and give it some thought as I didn’t want to hurt or demean or put people down.  The meme was basically called :
 I am not a "disgrace to women" because I don't support the women's march.
You say that you do not feel that you are a second class Citizen because you are a woman, I am happy for you I really truly am,  I am glad that you haven’t had the experience of not being paid less for doing the same job as a man or denied an application for a job because it was a man job “pulling and burning brush” or that you haven’t had to sit through an interview where the man interviewing you says “this is a great job for a young man with a family” and walk out knowing you wouldn’t get that job that had full benefits.  You see I have.
You say ……  I do not feel my voice is "not heard" because I am a woman. I do not feel I am not provided opportunities in this life or in America because I am a woman. I do not feel that I "don't have control of my body or choices" because I am a woman. I do not feel like I am “not respected or undermined" because I am a woman……….. Do you understand the fight that even gave you a voice, have you not read about the women and men who fought for you to be able to have rights. You didn’t have the right to use birth control even if you were married until 1965--- women were not able to apply for a credit card until 1974 before that your  husband to cosign  , it wasn’t until 1978 that it became illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant whether she was married or not. It wasn’t in till 1973 that women could serve on jury duty in all 50 states.    I am glad that you haven’t had to face these struggles I am happy that you feel respected and have been spared the blood sweat and tears.
You say I AM a woman …… Well so are those of us who stand up and fight injustice and change that you get to enjoy the benefits of.
You say I can make my own choices…… That is wonderful but there are many who have had some very important life decisions taken from them simply because they are female weather you can acknowledge it or not.
You say I can speak and be heard……… I celebrate that where you are and come from that this is the case, I do hope at some time you will be able to see that hasn’t always been the case for women in this country.
You say I can VOTE……. Have you forgotten how you even achieved that right?  I do not and will not forget the women’s suffrage parade as they called it then of 1913, where over 8000 women marched, over 200 people were treated from being beaten by men and police for marching for the right to vote . It took seven more years to achieve that right.
You say you I can work if I want…… Yes you can you can also expect to earn less in many cases, you can also expect to be able to climb the ladder and become a CEO at a much lower rate than a man with the same or less education and experience.  You can also choose to go into the armed forces for a career and get the bonus of being sexuality assaulted and having it brushed under the rug. But you can work.
You say I control my body ………. I am beyond thankful that you have the luxury of being able to say this and haven’t suffered being abused at the hands of a loved one having your childhood ripped from you or to have someone decide that they have the right to take your body simply because they want to. I honestly hope and pray you and your daughters will be able to go through the rest of your life being able to say this as it leaves the deepest scars changes you forever.
You say I can defend myself…….   Well I can and have over and over, I defended myself as I was bending over washing the table in my church and one of the men felt he had the right to run his hand up my back, I defended myself at work on many occasions when my coworkers felt they had the right to slap me on the butt, run their hand up my thigh or slowly brush against my breast when putting something in my arms.  I have stood up to my boss when leaning over his desk to look at something on the computer only to have a male employee came up and stroked my back and I told him to keep his hands off me only to get a dirty look from my boss whom I looked in the eye and said no one touches me without my permission.  You say you can defend yourself I am glad truly I am, I am glad you are strong I am glad you are secure but there are many who are not and I for one will not leave them to fend for themselves or fight alone I will stand in the gap I will make changes so my daughter and granddaughter and even for your daughters whom I do not know so that they will not have to endure this kind of treatment.
You say…. I can defend my family.   May this always be true for you, may your children never know what it feels like to be bystanders of watching you being beaten and bloodied by your partner in life may they never know the deepest pit of helplessness watching you crumpled on the floor helpless as he walks out the door with a disgusted look on his face as he passes you.   
You say…… there is nothing stopping me to do anything in this world but MYSELF……. I will try to remember that when I am reading the next article on human sex trafficking and slavery in our country.  You see i believe that determination can get you very far but I am not blind to the struggles that others go through. I really hope that these never affect your life.

You say….. I do not blame my circumstances or problems on anything other than my own choices or even that sometimes in life, we don't always get what we want. I take responsibility for myself……….. I am glad that you do not have a clue of what it is like to overcome molestation, rape, emotional abuse or maybe extreme poverty etc.  Some circumstances or problems we make our selves I agree some you get no choice in and it takes a great deal of work to overcome.
You say ….I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend. I am not held back in life but only by the walls I choose to not go over which is a personal choice. I agree with this it is the same for those this letter was admonishing. Don’t worry we will leave the ladders we built to overcome those walls for you when you’re ready.
You say Quit blaming ……… While I believe that we are to take responsibility for our actions and not let the actions of others excuse poor decisions or behaviors of our own, I will not pretend that there isn’t inequality in our country or double standards, I will not turn a blind eye to those to those whom have been crushed by others and tell them they didn’t work hard enough.
You say Take responsibility……. You assume that others that think differently than you do not just as they do you maybe it’s time for both sides to look in the mirror.
You say if you want to speak, do so. But do not expect for me, a woman, to take you seriously wearing a pink va-jay-jay hat on your head and screaming profanities and bashing men ……….. There are extremes on both sides and we seem to judge/bash each as a group some wear the pink cat hats (haven’t seen the Va j ones myself) some wear crosses some bash men some bash women no one is the winner here both are just banging Gongs.
You say…….. If you have beliefs, and speak to me in a kind matter, I will listen. But do not expect for me to change my beliefs to suit yours. Respect goes both ways…………. Finally a truth.
You say…….. If you want to impress me, especially in regards to women, then speak on the real injustices and tragedies that affect women in foreign countries that do not that the opportunity or means to have their voices heard……… Here is your list.
Saudi Arabia, women can't drive, no rights and must always be covered. China and India, infantcide of baby girls.
Afghanistan, unequal education rights. Democratic Republic of Congo, where rapes are brutal and women are left to die, or HIV infected and left to care for children alone. Mali, where women can not escape the torture of genital mutilation. Pakistan, in tribal areas where women are gang raped to pay for men's crime.
Guatemala, the impoverished female underclass of Guatemala faces domestic violence, rape and the second-highest rate of HIV/AIDS after sub-Saharan Africa. An epidemic of gruesome unsolved murders has left hundreds of women dead, some of their bodies left with hate messages.
Well there are some of us who think we need to clean up our own back yard before we start telling other countries to clean up theirs.
 I suggest you reasearch Iran in the 1960 – 1978  (for women)  you will see that they dressed pretty much like we did. Were able to go to college and Drove cars and had established several right’s that is until a religious take over…..  You talk of Rape our country is rampant in rapes over 300,000 of (12 and older) a year with the perpetrator often getting a slap on the hands while the woman is degraded and shamed for everything from how she dressed talked etc ……. Female genital mutilation I am guessing that you are not aware that this is going on in our country and has actually doubled in occurrences in the last few years. News week did an article on it a while back I am sure its easy to find.  Women being murdered in the UsA by domestic violence average of 3 a day.

I suggest that before you start touting about voices being heard in other countries you look at ours, do you even have any idea how much human trafficking goes on in this country?  Here is a link if you are truly interested in those who are suffering on our on land.
Last but not least you’re finishing statement …. (So when women get together in AMERICA and whine they don't have equal rights and march in their clean clothes, after eating a hearty breakfast, and it's like a vacation away that they have paid for to get there)  
If Standing up for our rights and or change is whining then so be it you can call me a whiner, you expect me to feel bad because I will fight oppression, corruption or brutality in clean clothes you will have to wait a very long time you see I haven’t lost site that it is by the very grace of God that I have these things or that there are so many who do not, I will not apologize for taking a stand to help those who cannot fight. I personally find it admirable that many took their vacation time and gave it up to try to make a difference for all,  it’s called sacrificing  and for most was something they had probably worked a year for.

You say …This WOMAN does not support it…….. Well that is the difference between us I support your right to say your piece to not march and to ignore or not be aware of what is going on in this beautiful land of ours and to be able to point out injustices in other countries to make yourself feel better about ours own shameful behavior,  I sincerely hope it brings you peace, I support that you have a right to your way of life and what it means to be a woman to you, you do not have to go out and try to change things  or to stop injustice or to make sure that our rights that were so hard fought for by our Mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers are not lost.  But I will and I will not feel bad because you are offended I will not apologize because you do not like it, but most of all I will not begrudge you and your daughters or granddaughters to reap the benefits of my prayers, sweat, tears and work to make this a better world. Because in the end we are all sisters and we do this not for ourselves. 

Sunday, March 22, 2015


A Family Divided

Once more we talk about it.
How sad it's all become.
No matter how we look at it
this family is not one.

They say it shouldn't matter.
Who needs them after all?
But, please explain the pain I feel
even though I've got it all.

I see my pain and emptiness
like a hollowed out old tree...
It may seem to be standing tall
but, it's empty just like me.

There's such a contradiction
to my entire life.
I'm happy and fulfilled
being a mother and a wife.

What about 'a sister'
and 'a daughter' about that?
These are roles I was born to play.
Why can't I? Tell me that.

A family divided
that's what we've grown to be.
I've got mine and you've got yours
but we have no family tree. 

Saturday, January 31, 2015

who is that woman in the Mirror , getting old isn't for the weak of heart.

Well all of a sudden i look around and it's 2015  and my copper colored hair is almost white ................. seriously when the heck did that happen ?  In the last 5 years I've been through menopause and had two  major accidents at work and one at home and a car wreck and a divorce and they have taken a major toll on my physical and mental health.  I've a gain of almost 100 pounds in four years.  
 I've literately been in pain  for 5 years and it has been a real struggle to keep my head up, it started with an accident at work with major damage to the muscles in my neck that held up my head ......... I was at my prime,  I felt great, I was working out 5 days a week lifting weights riding bikes, hiking, walking 5 miles a day then BAM major work injury tore all the muscles in my neck that held up my head.... then had to fight the city for care that was a nightmare two lawyers against me, the girl who was on her own,  freshly separated her husband with no money ... well they blamed it on my carpel tunnel surgery from three years previous,  I fought them and got a few more months therapy, no sooner did i finished with that then I rolled the lawn tractor at home BAM major head injury .... short term memory bye bye lol, then the car wreck on my Birthday a delivery buss side swiped the cab we were in last year............ nerve damage in my hips,   then in August of that year Blew my Knee at work................... Okay God you have my attention just please give me the brains to figure out what your trying to say lol
Now its 2015 and I am going to be 55 years old .............. seriously 55 years old wow who the heck is that my grandma  in the mirror ..... I get up in the morning and I feel the same, although I am a little slower and not as strong as i used to be, I go to work and put in an ten hour day working out side with a group of 15 guys and now two women, trimming trees and shrubs, mowing, edging but my brain can not comprehend that im not 25 anymore, I push and push to keep up the same level of work but its getting harder and harder.  This year I finally started taking my two 15 minute breaks during my ten hour shift and it still feels weird to do, but i realize that ive got to take care if this machine called my body.
I've gone from young farm girl , to vivacious teen to young married woman, to mother of 3 birth children to mother 5, 2 God given love babies To Nina my most blessed role of all. Its funny I would not trade my role of Nina for the youth of yesterday. I will embrace  this wrinkled soul broken down body and some day my ashes to ashes  so that I might experience these years as a nina and a slightly wiser mother to my children and hopefully a kinder sister , Daughter, wife and friend.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

religion, politics,relationship,love,

Religion............. politics..........Relationship................The Church .........Brothers and sisters of Christ.............

.Ive pondered how to even write about My Love /Hate relationship with this subject. It is strange how you can love something so much and loath it too
My personal walk has been interesting with ups and downs,many rivers to cross usually the human type. When i first came to the church i was very naive, I just assumed that if a person was a church going person they were good and kind and loving lol , What i found was regular human beings and a great deal of the time not much different then what i had seen out in the "lost" world, although there were some beautiful examples of Christ i did meet that had a genuine  love for all of Gods people............they say that we are to be the hands and feet and face of God, meaning that others will often come to know Christ through his people and their actions as we minister to them, weather teaching, sharing, a kindness shown when someone is hurting, food when one is hungry and so on. We need more people like that, I need to be more like that. There is a definite lacking in our houses of God for these type of people these days.

It seems to me that body of Christ has become more political then loving and politically the church has been brought down to three subjects Homosexuality,Abortion & Guns and are politically controlled like sheep going to their own slaughter. I do not understand the statement I keep hearing from some people of faith especially the ones whom seem to live to be upfront in the media  , we are going to take our nation back, then spouting about this or that political leader, or a law we are trying to vote in.....seriously  by how we vote? the very concept smacks of lack of faith. Do they not believe God can move a  heart, that he the one whom formed the very world we live in can not direct his world, maybe its because if we focus on others we will not have to examine our own lives,now that could become uncomfortable, then we just might want to step away from being the big almighty judge and be more compassionate to others, could it be that the world doesn't
understand this God we keep telling them about because they see so little of him in us in the way we live our lives. I often wonder have we even considered that our nation our families are hurting and continue to be "lost" because as people of faith we have been sitting back in our pews for years more worried about how many will show up for the next potluck or luncheon fellowship then those whom are hurting, hungry, and spiritually wounded. Where did the Love & compassion of Christ go in our hearts for others, how did it become them against us and with that attitude how can we expect them to be open to the message of hope that we are to bring.
Which brings me back to my love hate relationship with the church............. on one hand I can not stand what so many churches have become devoid of love and faith in an amazing powerful God and what he can do,on the other hand I have seen God in so many ways thru  a church that has people whom love him and love all of his people not just the ones that fit nice and tidy in a little church box and i crave to worship beside them, to be his hands and feet again to lift up my hands in praise and sing out his name. So i guess i will continue to wander thru the dessert till he leads me to my new home,

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Just a little Laughter

Its funny the older i get the more i just choose to let go of stuff whether its plans that have gone awry or hurtful angry people....... its not that i don't get upset, hurt or irritated I have just found that it takes way to much Time and energy to keep my feathers in a fluff.  It seems more and more I shake my head and just laugh lol
Having lived through a few years and more than one or two personal blunders myself, which I believe has made me a better and more compassionate human being ( my children will be stunned to find out im not perfect LOL ) When people in my circle do something stupid, hurtful or cruel I try to understand where they are coming from that may have led to her/ his behavior, that doesn't mean I give them a free pass to wreck and ruin in the lives of my family  (Meaning  My Love, My children, Norseman & his Bride) as I will almost always try to discuss an issue so that its not repeated or to let them know its unacceptable.
This old lady just doesn't let it get to her like when i was younger, plans change, things don't always go as i have planned and that is okay maybe God has something better for me. When it comes to unhealthy people or people who make poor decisions  I think that it comes down to a point in our lives that we finally learn that we can only control our behavior and how we react to those around us and circumstances, we can choose not to allow others to rob us of the joy in our lives.  So I choose to laugh things off shake my head and move on down the road.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

New Years come & go

This is a little late but that is just the way it goes,  So it seems 2014 has flown by filled with work, family, Friends, Laughter & health issues. On the work front I got a new partner this year,  Robin what a blessing such a willing and hard worker and just a blast to work with, as a person whom normally enjoys working alone Ive been surprised how much I enjoy working with her, could be that we are always laughing.
 Unfortunately  2014 was hard on the health front for my husband and I , another cancer scare for my Love more hospital visits, but we ended that on a good note with good news.  I was injured on the job this summer and then re-injured again in the fall now fighting my work place for the surgery needed to repair the injury, could end my career with the city if I do not get my knee repaired.....

On the family front it has been a wonderful year I have an amazing husband we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary, our multi generational home has really settled into a peaceful/chaotic house full of Love and the sound of Tinks laughter.
We have an amazing new woman in our lives Miss Amber, she is our son Jacobs girlfriend such a beautiful sweet soul and a joy to be around. It has been so nice to see the joy she has brought into his life.
Some of the biggest changes have been watching Tink grow this year as she turned 4 years old, she has gotten taller and can carry on quite the conversation and has started pre-school and ballet. She is one busy girl and keeps us all on our toes.
Friends and laughter............... our Taco Tuesday crew,  We are incredibly blessed to have such a great group of people to spend time with BBQ's,  Diners and Mile stone birthdays then our regular Taco Tuesdays get together.
Which brings us to the start of a new year Tree comes down the day after New Years, house cleaned, Great news for My Love on the health front, My month Long Vacation woo hoo, getting ready for our Anniversary Beach vacation.  So 2015 is looking pretty darn good.

Thursday, December 4, 2014


I am at home alone, very unusual lol and i am sitting here thinking about family, My ex husband Kevin's twin brother ( i hate that title....... ex ..... I wish there was a different way of saying it, as he deserves better then that) Kieth is in town the boys are going bow hunting, now these boys love hunting together and have come and gone to each others houses for years to hunt as a team. Which brings me to this week,  the boys are getting together for the big hunt and its time to make the family special diner's (aka)  Gramie's meatballs and Lavon's treats,  so the call comes (text) first for the Norwegian meatballs and gravy............. yes......  yes it will be my pleasure to make Gramies special dish for you boys,  so off to the store my husband and I go to get the supplies (yes I have an amazing husband who shops with me) we gather all the supplies lean burger, my favorite sausage, cream, real butter and so on, the best ingredients ( yes it makes a difference) then I remember a special cookie recipe that Lavon used to make for Kieth at Christmas time and I gather the ingredients for that also to surprise my brother in law, okay... okay.... technically he is my ex brother in law according to the world, but to me he and his children will always be my family as will Kevin and the extended family.
Anyways back to cooking for the boys, I have to say it is such a joy cooking old family recipes,  I started with the Norwegian Meat balls and gravy and the special cookie recipe, you know there is something about cooking old family recipes that connect you with the past and the ones you love especially those whom have passed on, they live on with the traditions and memories of the food your cooking.
Grammies Norwegian meat balls bring back so many memories of that wonderful woman, I think about her every time I make them, her laughter, her smiling eyes, her sense of humor, oh how I loved that woman. I so loved sitting and talking to her listening to her stories as we drank coffee and ate cookies together ( she always had homemade cookies ready for guest that she served with her strong dark coffee ) she was a striking woman pure white hair & sky blue eyes, i would sit listen her tell stories of her family growing up in North Dakota often while I was going through her homemade cook book searching for the family treasured recipes, I would watch as her sky blue eyes would twinkle as she laughed and talk of the farm life, her siblings.
The boys loved the family treat of meatballs and it wasn't long that i received a thank you text from them, having enjoyed cooking for the boys so much i asked if there was anything else the would like to have, and i started listing recipe after recipe of their mama's and Gramie's special dishes............ so now My daughter and I will be shopping tomorrow for ingredients to make a couple more special dishes for the boys before their hunting season is done and Kieth head Home.
I feel so blessed to be part of this wonderful family and it just filled my heart with such joy to be the gate keeper of these loved family recipes, passed down from generation to generation, Grandmother, Mother in Law to me. Now it is my job to pass it on to the next generation................... what an honor.